Eloping vs Big Wedding: How to Decide Without Regret
Elope or the BIG wedding? Or… Just Doing What Feels Like You?
At some point in wedding planning, between the spreadsheets and the ‘WTF – how do napkins cost THAT much?’ you may find yourselves spiralling.
I see posts all the time on Facebook from couples losing the will to live over decisions. They are tormenting themselves with questions about regret.
One minute you’re excited, the next you’re googling….
“Will I regret eloping?”
“Is a big wedding worth it?”
“Are small weddings better?”
“Will Uncle Bob ever speak to me again if we run for the hills?”
First of all, welcome! This is completely normal. Every couple hits this crossroad! You’re not indecisive, you’re just realising this is a big deal, and even though it’s your wedding, you’re thinking about a lot of people.
These decisions feels big. But here’s the gentle truth: This isn’t about size, or what anyone else wants, it’s about what feels YOU.
After photographing both intimate elopements and full, joy-filled, slightly chaotic celebrations, here’s what I can tell you: Regret rarely comes from the size of your wedding, it comes from choosing something that doesn’t feel like you.
Social media doesn’t make it any easier,
It’s a blessing and a curse in my opinion, and I don’t know which version is winning! It will tell you eloping is romantic and meaningful and you’ll feel like Kate Bush with the wind in your hair and your Love waiting for you on a giant, glorious horse (OK, maybe that’s a bit far, but it’s my fantasy, so let me have it!)
It will also tell you big weddings are iconic and unforgettable. Your family might be saying, ‘You’ll regret not having everyone there.’ And your friends might say, ‘Honestly? I’d just run away somewhere.‘ Everyone has an opinion. Very few of them have to live your day.
The real question isn’t ‘Which is better?’ It’s “how do you want your wedding to feel?”
Do you picture a quiet morning, slow coffee, just the two of you breathing it all in? Or a house full of people, music in the background and prosecco before you’ve even had breakfast? Do you want intimacy? Atmosphere? Or maybe a bit of both?
In my experience, the couples who feel peaceful about their choice aren’t the ones who picked the ‘perfect’ format, they’re the ones who stopped trying to please everyone. They decided, this is us. This is how we celebrate and this is what feels right in our bones. And once that decision is made, the noise gets quieter.
You’re far more likely to regret planning a wedding based on expectation than choosing one that feels true to you both.
An elopement can feel expansive and freeing. A big wedding can feel deeply personal and grounding. Or the other way around. It’s not about the guest count. It’s about whether you feel like yourselves inside it.
Before you make any big decisions, here’s my slightly cheeky advice:
Close the laptop. Ignore Instagram. Forget what Suzy & Joe did, sit somewhere quietly together and ask, ‘If nobody else had an opinion… what would we choose?’
That answer is usually the one.
Your wedding isn’t a performance or a trend. It’s not a box to tick correctly. It’s a reflection of you as a couple. And when it feels like you, whether that’s just you * your parentd on a windswept hillside like Zoe & Scott, or 150 guests in a castle like Sophie & Jake – you won’t look back with regret. You’ll look back and think: “That was soooooo us.”